Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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