Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
