I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize