I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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