We're facebook friends in real life
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
