We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
