Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
