EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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