I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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