wakey wakey hands off snakey
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
