No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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