I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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