I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
