Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
