my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
