I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
