dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
