well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
