if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
