Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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