Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
