Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
