im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
