dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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