i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
