I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
