just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize