I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
