how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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