Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
