So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
not ubering you a puppy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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