My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
