Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize