He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
