im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize