i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize