You can't motorboat a personality
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
