She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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