you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
