The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
