i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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