Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
