A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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