It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
