i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
