perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
