I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
