if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
