WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
