I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
