One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize