Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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