how do flat chested girls get laid?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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