Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
