Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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