just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm having to shit out rocks
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
