she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
