then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
