i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
