What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My legs feel like baby dolphins
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
