You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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