I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
