no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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