Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
