I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
