all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
