Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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