I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
FUCK WHALES
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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