the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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